Tweet Free

Today marks the start of my 30-day hiatus from the social networking sites Facebook and Twitter.

Someone told me I must be really hooked on these social networking sites, especially Twitter, and I could not probably live without them. So I am challenging myself and staying away from Twitter and Facebook for 30 days. No tweets, no status updates, no uploading of photos. I won't even peek to check my friends' tweets and posts.

Surprisingly, I find myself looking forward to the 30 days of being Twitter and FB-free. You can imagine the pain these two sites have given me in the past few months, so I am embracing this self-imposed hiatus. Never mind that I would probably be the last to know about the latest happenings with my friends and co-workers. Then again, it may also save me from seeing all those posts that could be really painful. ^_^

So let's bring it on!

And by the way, no, I'm not staying away from blogger. :)
 

Dork Alert

I am such a dork!

I so wanted to stay and talk, but the old socially inept me won over the new-trying-to-be-intrepid-seize-the-moment Asfer. But that fleeting albeit embarrassing  moment completed my day though.

I can't stop smiling. Heeeeee. ♥
 

My Umbrella

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words won't hurt me.

So not true.

Words are very powerful, really. The damage they can do to a person.

===

Despite the negativity today, I still have one thing to be grateful for. Thank you for putting some sense into my head and for the those few precious laughs. Although things are not the way I want them to be, somehow, by being there, you were able to lift the heavy heart.

Thank you .♥
 

Heartburn

The heart's at it again.

I've been experiencing chest constrictions lately. I'm not even sure if it is something psychological. Some friends say it could be heartburn. Another says my heart is just filled with too much emotion it could burst. I say I'm just consuming too much caffeine from those bottles/cans of Coke and cups of coffee.

And oh, did I mention those butterflies in my tummy are partying again.

Lessons

Learned some very valuable lessons on friendship (and on relationships in general), today.

When you're heart is filled with love, there'd be no more room for pride. That hateful pride.

You know how we all go through those tampuhan blues with our friends. Whenever I feel slighted or hurt by someone dear to me, instead of letting the person know, I would resort to the cold shoulder treatment: that i'm-not-talking-to-you-figure-out-what-you've-done-and-better-make-it-up-to-me attitude. This infantile behavior, trust me, did not get things work out the way I wanted them to. No matter how petty the reason of the rift may be, when pride gets in the way, it could lead to something really damaging to a relationship. I have realized, it won't hurt at all to eat that humble pie and reach out first. At the end of the day, it would not even matter who made the first move to patch things up. You'd be too happy and relieved to even care.

Communication is very important.

It's really not too hard to talk to friends once you got pride out of the way. Open communication is vital to any relationship, I learned that lesson the hard way. Trust me, it's not a great feeling when you are not talking to your friends or loved ones. When you want to say something, talk to the person and not to others. Issues won't go away on their own and it would only complicate things if parties not concerned are brought into the picture.

Friendship means loyalty.

When your universe is crumbling down, and when entire the world seems to be against you, a loyal friend will make a big difference. Knowing someone is there who believes in you despite what everyone else is saying, staunchly defends you to their harsh judgment, that's what loyalty is all about. Simply being there for a friend in dire straits. Most important, even at times when you knew that the person is at the wrong side of the track, you are still there saying "hey I got your back". No, it does not mean tolerating the wrongdoings, but rather showing your friendship in the truest sense of the word.

Oh I knew these lessons by theory, I just did not notice that I was not applying them in real life. But hey, I'm a fast learner, but still a work in progress.

This piece, I dedicate to my bestest friends in the world. Thank you for the years of loyalty, steadfast love, forgiveness and acceptance. And to you two, thank you for these lessons. I learned them the hard way, but I think I'm going be an even more awesome friend from now on! :)

Torrential Tears

I have always known that I am a bit of a crybaby. Well, maybe more than a little bit. The littlest things could send me in a sobbing frenzy - a sentimental TV ad, a romantic movie scene, a line from a book, a song, a heartfelt compliment. The list could go on. I am that pathetic. Even when upset, if I can't pour out my emotions, I cry.

I have been suppressing my emotions lately. Not sharing what's really running through my head and especially what's in my heart for fear of, well because of fear. Period. Probably, I am so used to keeping things that really matter inside that I find it so hard sharing them with other people. Or maybe, it's just so hard for me to trust. There are only a very few friends I can really open my heart to without the fear of being judged.

Yesterday, the dam broke. Nothing really dramatic, but once it started, it was difficult to stop. If someone asked me why, what happened, my answer would have been I don't know. I still don't have the answer. I still don't understand what I am going through. This confusion and the fear of not knowing what to do, most likely, are the culprits.

One of these days though, I'll finally have the answer. Once I get the courage to admit and face the truth. Only then will I understand.

:)

Heavy Heart

I know they just wanted to have fun, and I know they did not mean any harm. But friends can sometimes be so pakialamera that they dont know they're already putting you in an embarrassing and compromising situation.

Rants.

My heart feels so heavy today, I want to cry my heart out. Must be all the stress and confusion I've been experiencing lately. Plus PMS.

I know I'm not making any sense and I don't care.

:((

The One That Got Away

For the love that was almost there..




In another life, I would make you stay..
So I don't have to say that you're the one that got away.

Before Sunrise, Before Sunset

There's just something about the sun rising and sun setting that I find so captivating.

Sunrise at Mactan Bridge, Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu

Sunset in Basdaku, Moalboal, Cebu

I do not love you..

Sonnet XVII
Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Silver Lining

"Behind every storm cloud is a silver lining."

This old adage has been my mantra in the last few days. My life, in every aspect, is in such a turmoil. Maybe I'm at the peak of what they call quarter-life crisis. Whatever this is I am going through, I am in dire need of every encouragement I could get. Seeing this beautiful spectacle one afternoon feels like I just got the best cheer, and from the Master above nonetheless. Now, I feel I can go on and move forward no matter what's thrown at me - because I know, something wonderful is just waiting to happen. I am that positive. Thank You Papa God. :)

Devastated.

There I was, smiling like a silly little girl because we're talking. Then suddenly, you said those words. And I don't know why I felt so horrible. Yet there I was, still all smiles, when deep inside, my heart was crying.

Now, I know how Mercedes felt when she was belting Bust Your Windows.

Aray.

 

Carpe Diem

Contemplating on finally getting my ears pierced.

This is going to a be life-changing decision, but I'd like to make the move and take the risk.

I realized being too cautious and guarded can be really boring and won't let you get anywhere. It's high time I embrace what life has to offer. I am seizing the day.

Live. Laugh. LOVE! :)

Hopeful and Clueless

Our Boracay trip was canceled because of a not-so-unexpected project at work. I won't lose sleep over it though. Bora will not be going away any time soon and I was not that thrilled to travel anyway, what with the weather these days. I know I'll be hitting Bora's beach soon.

Anyhow, another trip's coming up and I'm pretty excited about this! Take me back in your arms, Manila! I am fervently praying for a very fine weather that weekend. 'Cause we're going to see some hot air balloons baby, and possibly (another fervent prayer) even get to ride on one. I just have so much hope and love for this trip, I hope I won't be disappointed.

====

My heart's in a dilemma these days. I can't remember going through anything like this before, it's so frustrating to be so clueless. Be still, my heart, please.

Self Inquisition

Is this what I want?

What the heck am I doing here?

Why am I still here?

Am I still happy?

Questions that keep popping out of my mind lately. In the past, I have always been able to brush them off, and would always find the answers to keep me going. These days, it's a daily battle for me to look for those positive answers. The voice that has been reminding me of the reasons to stay has lost its confidence. I'm afraid it may never find its strength again. That feeble voice will eventually die.

Huggables

I've always thought stuffed toys are given to those you hold dear to your heart. And I've never received one before. Usually, family and friends give me practical gifts such as books and other geeky stuff. I'm not complaining, though. Like I always tell those who'd listen, it's the thought that counts. I've always been one of those people who's super appreciative of whatever gift I received. I may be very picky most of the time but if it's something given, mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. But sometimes, it also feels great to receive impractical gift like a stuffed toy, flowers and chocolates. After all, I'll always have the heart of a little girl. :) On my birthday, I received not one, but two huggables! Nevermind though that I kept reminding (read: nagging) friends of how I'd like to get one on Christmas or on my birthday, still they were gifts.

Finally, I now own two stuffed toys, thank you Roan and R.

Meet Sir Lancelot the Mangy Dog and King Arthur the Teddy Bear :)

Fireworks

There's just something about fireworks that I find so romantic.

'Cause baby you're a firework...

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

It's been more than 10 years since I last climbed a mountain. The past for years since I started working, I have seriously missed the outdoors. To be more specific, I've missed mountain climbing. Back in college in Elbi, I chose Outdoor Recreations for my PE 2 and as our professor would say about the course- "It's anything and everything under the sun." In less than 6 months, I climbed 2 mountains, Mt. Majayjay and Mt. Famy, both are located in Laguna, bordering Quezon. Although I have been exposed to outdoor activities like hiking and trekking as a kid, being an active girl scout in grade school, these were actually the first serious climbing experiences I've had. I swore to myself, I'd conquer Mt. Apo before I get past the age of 28. Now, I'm already of that age but I have yet to scale its summit.

I am working on it though. And I have already started my preparations for this arduous climb. January 9 of this, I and a few adventure-seeker friends reached Cebu's highest point, Osmeña Peak. Boy, it sure feels great to conquer a mountain once again!

Sana tuluy-tuloy na. Mt. Apo on Holy Week baby!