I do not love you..

Sonnet XVII
Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Silver Lining

"Behind every storm cloud is a silver lining."

This old adage has been my mantra in the last few days. My life, in every aspect, is in such a turmoil. Maybe I'm at the peak of what they call quarter-life crisis. Whatever this is I am going through, I am in dire need of every encouragement I could get. Seeing this beautiful spectacle one afternoon feels like I just got the best cheer, and from the Master above nonetheless. Now, I feel I can go on and move forward no matter what's thrown at me - because I know, something wonderful is just waiting to happen. I am that positive. Thank You Papa God. :)

Devastated.

There I was, smiling like a silly little girl because we're talking. Then suddenly, you said those words. And I don't know why I felt so horrible. Yet there I was, still all smiles, when deep inside, my heart was crying.

Now, I know how Mercedes felt when she was belting Bust Your Windows.

Aray.

 

Carpe Diem

Contemplating on finally getting my ears pierced.

This is going to a be life-changing decision, but I'd like to make the move and take the risk.

I realized being too cautious and guarded can be really boring and won't let you get anywhere. It's high time I embrace what life has to offer. I am seizing the day.

Live. Laugh. LOVE! :)

Hopeful and Clueless

Our Boracay trip was canceled because of a not-so-unexpected project at work. I won't lose sleep over it though. Bora will not be going away any time soon and I was not that thrilled to travel anyway, what with the weather these days. I know I'll be hitting Bora's beach soon.

Anyhow, another trip's coming up and I'm pretty excited about this! Take me back in your arms, Manila! I am fervently praying for a very fine weather that weekend. 'Cause we're going to see some hot air balloons baby, and possibly (another fervent prayer) even get to ride on one. I just have so much hope and love for this trip, I hope I won't be disappointed.

====

My heart's in a dilemma these days. I can't remember going through anything like this before, it's so frustrating to be so clueless. Be still, my heart, please.

Self Inquisition

Is this what I want?

What the heck am I doing here?

Why am I still here?

Am I still happy?

Questions that keep popping out of my mind lately. In the past, I have always been able to brush them off, and would always find the answers to keep me going. These days, it's a daily battle for me to look for those positive answers. The voice that has been reminding me of the reasons to stay has lost its confidence. I'm afraid it may never find its strength again. That feeble voice will eventually die.

Huggables

I've always thought stuffed toys are given to those you hold dear to your heart. And I've never received one before. Usually, family and friends give me practical gifts such as books and other geeky stuff. I'm not complaining, though. Like I always tell those who'd listen, it's the thought that counts. I've always been one of those people who's super appreciative of whatever gift I received. I may be very picky most of the time but if it's something given, mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. But sometimes, it also feels great to receive impractical gift like a stuffed toy, flowers and chocolates. After all, I'll always have the heart of a little girl. :) On my birthday, I received not one, but two huggables! Nevermind though that I kept reminding (read: nagging) friends of how I'd like to get one on Christmas or on my birthday, still they were gifts.

Finally, I now own two stuffed toys, thank you Roan and R.

Meet Sir Lancelot the Mangy Dog and King Arthur the Teddy Bear :)

Fireworks

There's just something about fireworks that I find so romantic.

'Cause baby you're a firework...

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

It's been more than 10 years since I last climbed a mountain. The past for years since I started working, I have seriously missed the outdoors. To be more specific, I've missed mountain climbing. Back in college in Elbi, I chose Outdoor Recreations for my PE 2 and as our professor would say about the course- "It's anything and everything under the sun." In less than 6 months, I climbed 2 mountains, Mt. Majayjay and Mt. Famy, both are located in Laguna, bordering Quezon. Although I have been exposed to outdoor activities like hiking and trekking as a kid, being an active girl scout in grade school, these were actually the first serious climbing experiences I've had. I swore to myself, I'd conquer Mt. Apo before I get past the age of 28. Now, I'm already of that age but I have yet to scale its summit.

I am working on it though. And I have already started my preparations for this arduous climb. January 9 of this, I and a few adventure-seeker friends reached Cebu's highest point, Osmeña Peak. Boy, it sure feels great to conquer a mountain once again!

Sana tuluy-tuloy na. Mt. Apo on Holy Week baby!

Homey Christmas

After four Christmases away from home, I was home on the most wonderful time of the year. Even though I was only home from December 25-29 (yes, I'll be working on New Year) , I still count it as blessing to have spent Christmas with loved ones. It was even made more special and merry because we now have 3 kids in the family!

Merry Christmas!

Crashed.

I haven't felt like this in such a long long time. Probably that's why I'm having such a hard time dealing with it. My emotions are in turmoil and I can't even begin to describe how I feel these days.

Butterflies in my stomach. Daydreaming. Smiling like crazy for no reason at all. Heart beats fast and then stops at the same time. I was in for a major roller coaster ride. But it was not meant to be.

Just like that, I crashed. Even before I could take off.

Why did you have to come and make life so complicated?

Goodbye Einstein.

You have been such a loyal and good friend. You've been there during the happiest and lowest times of my life. One of the best friends I ever had, you will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you for the 9 great years of friendship, loyalty and steadfast love. I will miss you, Einstein.♥